How you curb your jealousy!
Jealousy has a bad reputation. It’s not uncommon to hear well-meaning people say things like, “Don’t be jealous” or “Jealousy destroys relationships.” But what makes this emotion so bad?
While it’s often linked to romantic relationships, jealousy can come up whenever you’re worried about losing anything or anyone important to you. This is different from envy, which involves wanting something that belongs to someone else.
Jealousy can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, or sadness. But it can often tell you a thing or two about yourself and your needs.
Here’s a look at some suggested ways to curb your jealousy
1. Trace it back to its source
“If you get that jealous twinge,” says Sarah Swenson, LMHC, “ask yourself what lies at the root of it. Then take steps to change what you don’t like in order to get what you want.”
Examining your jealous feelings can give you insight on where they come from:
– Your coworker’s promotion makes you feel jealous because you believe you aren’t good enough at your job to get a promotion yourself.
– Your sister’s new relationship causes jealousy because you haven’t had much luck dating and worry you’ll never find the right person.
– When your partner starts spending a lot of time with a new friend, you feel jealous because that was the first sign you noticed when a previous partner c.h.e.a.t.e.d.
Whether your jealousy stems from insecurity, fear, or past relationship patterns, knowing more about the causes can help you figure out how to confront it.
Maybe you have an open conversation with your supervisor about getting on track for promotion, resolve to try a different approach to dating, or talk to your partner about your feelings.
2. Be honest about jealousy’s impact
It’s impossible to solve a problem if you refuse to acknowledge it. Rather than pretending you aren’t feeling jealous or your jealousy isn’t a problem, be honest. How do you feel because of your insecurities, and how are they hurting your relationship? It might be difficult to acknowledge the problems your envy is causing, but take heart in the fact that you’re taking the first step to a healthier relationship.
3. Become !ntimate With Emotions Through Mindfulness
Modern life is often filled with distractions, stress and negative feelings. The first step to controlling jealousy is to become more aware of your overall emotions and how to better manage them. Take time to do a simple meditation for five to ten minutes when waking up or before sleep. Say “in” and “out” with each breath until you have achieved a feeling of awareness. As emotions and thoughts flow through your mind, allow negative emotions and feelings to dissipate naturally. Become aware that your emotions and your mind are separate and that you therefore have the power to simply let go of negative emotions like jealousy.
4. List your insecurities
Mastering how to stop being a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend starts with looking at yourself. What insecurities are driving your jealousy? Are you unsure of yourself due to perfectionism? Are you comparing yourself to others? You’re not making this list to shame yourself – you’re owning your role in the relationship.
5. Cultivate self-confident
Once you’ve made a list of the insecurities driving your jealousy, write down an antidote to each one. If you’re living under the shadow of your partner’s ex, make a list of all the traits your partner loves about you. If you constantly compare yourself to celebrities, unfollow them on Instagram for a week. By giving yourself space from feelings of inferiority, you’ll be able to develop the self-confidence you need to overcome jealousy.
6. Practice gratitude for what you have
A little gratitude can go a long way. It can not only reduce feelings of jealousy, but also relieve stress.
You might not have everything you want. Most of us don’t. But you probably have at least some of what you want. Maybe you even have some good things in your life you didn’t expect.
This can help whether you’re eyeing your friend’s fancy new bike or wishing your partner didn’t spend quite so much time with friends. Remind yourself of your sturdy, reliable bike that gets you where you need to go. Consider the benefits of having a partner who appreciates the value of friendship.
Even appreciating positive things in your life that don’t relate to jealousy can help you realize that, while your life may not be perfect (but whose life is?), you’ve still got some good things going for you.
7. Talk to a trusted friend
Jealousy can sometimes give you a slightly warped sense of reality. You might wonder if that nonverbal flirting you swear you saw actually happened.
Sometimes, voicing these concerns to a third party can make the situation less frightening and help you gain some perspective.
8. Love Yourself More
Jealousy can often be an expression of insecurity. Becoming more compassionate and loving toward yourself will make you better equipped to recognize and eliminate jealousy from your life. Imagine that you were giving advice to a good friend – what would you say to make him or her feel better? Now direct that compassion inwards, towards yourself. Remind yourself of all the wonderful attributes that you have and all the reasons that people love you. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and deserve your own compassion. As an easy healing meditative practice close your eyes and visualize your closest friends, inspirational teachers, family and other loved ones gathered around you and send your love and energy out to them in the form of brilliant rainbow colored beams of light. Now add the subjects of your jealousy to the group as well. Include them in the loving and radiant light that you are sending out into the world.
Sources: healthline.com, tonyrobbins.com,
