I’ve always been patient, which became even more important after my mother di:ed and my father remarried. So, when my in-laws tried to discourage my relationship with my husband before we married, I relied on my inner strength to go through their attempts to divide us.
Navigating a new family is rarely simple, and for me, it was extremely difficult. I met Jeremy, a Moroccan native raised in a strict Southern family in Georgia. You may imagine the cultural barriers I encountered. Moving to the United States at the age of eleven, just after losing my mother, was already challenging. Adjusting to a new nation and a new family structure was difficult, especially because my father remarried only a year after Mom di:ed.
Although my stepmother was not fundamentally cruel, we never truly connected.
Perhaps because of her own fears, mom frequently acted aloof toward me and my sister. Mom had taught me to meet such obstacles with grace, and that basic lesson—to smile in the face of unkindness—served me well when I interacted with Jeremy’s family.
I’d been dating Jeremy for about a year when I met his mother, Leona, but family meals had always seemed out of the question for me. This time, Jeremy made certain there would be no excuses; he even requested his mother to prepare things I could eat, as I avoid meat and alcohol. But I prepared by eating ahead, fearing they would not follow his request.
Leona’s welcome was chilly when we arrived, and she immediately presented me to “Diane, Jeremy’s ex-girlfriend,” who was allegedly still quite close to the family. Diane basked in the warmth of the family throughout dinner, while I had to put up with side comments and dish after dish of pig. I kept my cool, maintained a polite tone, and even complimented Diane and the spread—Leona did not appear delighted with my coolness.
Family gatherings continued in this fashion, with Leona treating me like an outsider. Holidays became “family-only” events, with the exception of Diane, who was somehow always invited.
Despite the family’s best efforts, Jeremy and I became closer, and their surprise was obvious when he proposed.
At our wedding, I combined Moroccan and American traditions, embracing colorful colors and customs. Many of Jeremy’s family members, including Diane, donned white. I returned the compliments, striking out in each photo with my colorful outfit. The family’s cold demeanor did not damper the excitement of our celebration, and I carried my mother’s advise through it all, unfazed by their apparent disdain.
Things came to a climax last Christmas, when Leona insisted on hosting. Despite her desire to overwhelm me, she misjudged my passion for cooking. I arranged a lavish feast, and her reaction—an accusation that I had hired a catering service—escalated into an outburst. Jeremy instantly intervened, defending my efforts and asking an apology. I addressed her politely, stating that I did not desire any rivalry. Surprisingly, this calmed her; after years of conflict, she proposed a truce, and a true friendship began to form.
Even the most difficult family connections can find common ground if patience, compassion, and kindness are used.
