Carl was ten years into a life sentence when he finally got a new cellmate, Jim. After a few weeks of sizing Jim up, Carl decided he could be trusted and initiated him into a top-secret escape plan.
“Listen closely,” Carl whispered. “For my first five years in here, I trained my digestive system to follow my exact commands. I can swallow almost anything, and it comes out completely broken down into its original components.”
Jim raised an eyebrow, highly skeptical. “Right. And?”
“And for the last five years, I’ve been secretly swallowing small pieces of my prison uniform,” Carl continued. “The guards haven’t noticed a thing—they just think the laundry rats are chewing on them.”
Confused and slightly disturbed, Jim asked, “Okay, but what does that have to do with me? How do I help?”
Carl smiled eagerly. “The fabric passes through my system and comes out as perfectly separated, individual cotton threads. I figure by this time next year, we’ll have accumulated enough material to fashion a rope long enough to get over the wall. I just need you to sit there and tie the fibers together.”
Jim recoiled in absolute disgust. “You have got to be freaking kidding me!”
Carl looked him dead in the eye and said, “I shit. You knot.”
