Communication barriers are some of the biggest obstacles for married couples. Women and men differ in so many categories, including the way they communicate. Men tend to say what they mean, and women tend to read additional meaning into it. Women have a tendency to speak without using words, and they expect their male counterparts to get the message. Gentleman, here are some tips on what your wife really wants you to do when she is angry.
1. Care That She Is Angry
Compassion and empathy are the two elements that your wife needs you to have when she is angry. She needs you to care that she is angry, understand why she is angry and desire to help her alleviate the anger. Some women are not very good at explaining the origin of their anger, but that’s where your sleuth skills should enter. Try asking her to tell you why she is angry whilst you gently rub her back. Whatever you do, do not substitute the back rub for a head pat. A head pat would be condescending in this situation.
2. Support Her
One of the worst feelings in the world for any person, married or not, is the feeling that he or she has no support. Your wife is most likely angry because she feels as though someone has wronged her. It may be an employer, a family member or a complete stranger who cut her off on the way to work. Whatever the case may be, she needs your support. She needs to know that she has at least one human being in her corner. You should be that one human being. If you are not in her corner, then a red flag should arise about the state of your marriage.
3. Listen to Her Ramblings
When your wife is angry, she needs you to listen to her ramblings. She may internalize her pain if no one listens to her, and that will cause additional problems in your marriage. You should be the one to listen to her since you signed up for a lifetime of such things. You do not have to agree with everything she says, but listen so that you can understand and have empathy for her situation. She may want you to participate in the conversation by giving some nods and a few “uh-huh” grins here and there.
4. Comfort Her
Wives love these cutesy things called hugs. They love to be kissed on the forehead and have a big strong arm around them. Try to give your wife a hug if you see that she is angry. A touch from a loved one can quickly diffuse those angry feelings. A big squeeze is so simple, yet some husbands do not even try to offer it.
5. Apologize to Her?
Yes, apologize to her if you have anything to do with her anger. Don’t get involved in blame shifting or a he-said-she-said game. Own up to your part in the problem and apologize for it if you are sincerely sorry. She will own up to her part in the problem and apologize for it if she hasn’t already. The goal is to diffuse the anger and salvage your relationship. You have to be willing to admit that you have faults and that they contributed to the problem. Blame shifting does nothing but continues to poison the communication. It causes reactions such as withdrawal, silence and even throwing in of the towel.
Remember these tips the next time you see a sour puss on your wife. She needs your support. Try your best to give it to her in one of the above manners.
